Category Archives: Yoga Philosophy

Street Yoga for You, Me, and All of Us

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So I picked up a paper, it was more bad news
More hearts being broken or people being used
- You Were Meant for Me, Jewel

I’m writing about something that’s probably out of most people’s mind already: the London riot that happened earlier this month. I’m also writing about related events happening in Seattle in September and October for Street Yoga.

In our attention-deficit 24-hour-news world, where the lifetime of a tweet is but a fleeting hour, yesterday’s horrible news needs to be topped with even more horrible, more outrageous, more destructive news today. This morning I saw a funny tweet, and I paraphrase: “The media could hardly contain their disappointment as hurricane Irene has not turned out to be the calamity they had hoped it would be.”

For the most part, this is life as I know it in this early-21st century media, continuous shock and awe of all kinds of titillating and sensational reporting.

The London riot was no exception. It was big news for a few hours. There was finger pointing, there were promises of punishment, there were comedy materials for late night show hosts and Tweeters. (“Did London lose a hockey game or something?”)

Amidst the sound bites, one man wrote a thoughtful piece reflecting on the root causes and proposed a solution, one that could be considered radical in certain circles. This surprised most of us who may be more familiar with him as Mr. Katy Perry, or that crude comedian dude: Russell Brand.

In his heartfelt essay, Big Brother Isn’t Watching You, the most common impression Mr. Brand left seemed to be: “Damn, who knew the Get Him to the Greek dude can write like that!” For me, his essay hit closer to home as someone who’s been involved with Street Yoga and went through their Teacher Training.

At the training, I was exposed to exercises and concepts that clearly demonstrated to me the complex and intertwined social support system (or lack thereof) for the youths in our society: the ones struggling with homelessness, poverty, abuse, addiction, trauma and neurological & psychiatric issues.

These are the people Street Yoga strives to serve. A homeless child grows up to be a homeles adult, and the vicious cycle continues, as homeless adults create homeless children. How do we nip this problem at the buds?

Here’s Russell Brand on the death of Mark Duggan, a young man gunned down by police, spawning a peaceful protest and the ensuing infamous riots.

However “unacceptable” and “unjustifiable” it might be, it has happened so we better accept it and, whilst we can’t justify it, we should kick around a few neurons and work out why so many people feel utterly disconnected from the cities they live in.

Unless on the news tomorrow it’s revealed that there’s been a freaky “criminal creating” chemical leak in London and Manchester and Liverpool and Birmingham that’s causing young people to spontaneously and simultaneously violate their environments – in which case we can park the ol’ brainboxes, stop worrying and get on with the football season, but I suspect there hasn’t – we have, as human beings, got a few things to consider together.

I found those protests exciting, yes, because I was young and a bit of a twerp but also, I suppose, because there was a void in me. A lack of direction, a sense that I was not invested in the dominant culture, that government existed not to look after the interests of the people it was elected to represent but the big businesses that they were in bed with.

Why am I surprised that these young people behave destructively, “mindlessly”, motivated only by self-interest? How should we describe the actions of the city bankers who brought our economy to its knees in 2010? Altruistic? Mindful? Kind? But then again, they do wear suits, so they deserve to be bailed out, perhaps that’s why not one of them has been imprisoned. And they got away with a lot more than a few fucking pairs of trainers.

These young people have no sense of community because they haven’t been given one. They have no stake in society because Cameron’s mentor Margaret Thatcher told us there’s no such thing.

If we don’t want our young people to tear apart our communities then don’t let people in power tear apart the values that hold our communities together.

As you have by now surely noticed, I don’t know enough about politics to ponder a solution and my hands are sticky with blood money from representing corporate interests through film, television and commercials, venerating, through my endorsements and celebrity, products and a lifestyle that contributes to the alienation of an increasingly dissatisfied underclass.

But I know, as we all intuitively know, the solution is all around us and it isn’t political, it is spiritual. Gandhi said: “Be the change you want to see in the world.”

Now, I, like Russell Brand, don’t know enough about politics. Nor do I feel like I know enough about “being spiritual”. To me the word spiritual is quite a slippery slope and it frequently gets thrown around without context or consideration.

When I read that sentence, I stopped momentarily to ponder what Russell was probably thinking in his head when he wrote it. What could he possibly mean?

I don’t know, but here is what I know for sure. My yoga practice, and especially my sitting practice, has offered me benefits which I don’t think I’d be able to get in any other way. What kind of benefits? Flexibility and strength, surely, but I’m not just talking about yogasana only.

If one were simply doing yoga for the physical benefit, they could easily gain it going for a run, bike ride, or lifting weight. No, I’m talking benefits that involve behavioral changes. I’m talking coping mechanisms. I’m talking about a way of being and a way of existing in the world.

Yoga, first of all, gets me into my own body, it gets me to be comfortable in my own skin. This may be automatic and easy for some people, but for me, it’s a learned and acquired taste. It gets me to not only work out and burn a few calories, but it gets me to get to know myself, from a bodily, tangible perspective: here’s my head, here are my toes, here’s the sensation resulting from this movement.

So that’s on a bodily, physical level.

The sitting practice, the meditation practice, is the next level up. Sitting, of course, is not appropriate for everyone at all times. It is not a cure for many psychosis, it’s not a cure-all for all that ails us. It is not a just-add-water solution. It is not a pill.

It is a red pill, in a way, however, in the sense that, as the red pill wakes Neo up to the truth of the Matrix, meditation wakes me up to the real me. That I, too, have those characteristics which I publicly condemn and punish. I’m selfish, I’m spiteful, I’m frightened. I’m generous, I’m loving, I’m fearless.

Seeing everything all mixed up inside makes me realize that I, like others, have the potential to act one way or another, at all times. Sitting reminds me to have compassion for people with their addictions, their trauma, their neurosis, since I, too, have those to varying extent. I, too, see how difficult it is to change, even the most benign of bad habits.

I am not so different, not so separate, not so above from them after all.

What makes me choose not to destroy other people’s properties and set them on fire in most instances? Like Russell Brand, I have a support system. I’ve got a mother and a father who’ve worked tirelessly and unselfishly for my well-being, from my most basic needs to the highest one: Love.

I’ve been privileged to live in a society where I can go to school, get a degree, and have first world problems, like the fact that the internet connection is so slow today in my office building, and the air-conditioning is on too high.

What about the kids without anyone telling them they are alright, they are loved, and they can be musicians, architects, developers, doctors, or whomever their fancy wants to take flight? That they’ve got other options besides agression or submission?

I think most acts of violence can be traced back to a feeling of worthlessness, or feeling rejected, abandoned, unloved, and ultimate, something extra, disposable, replaceable. Who will tell these kids, as my teacher Judith Hanson Lasater told us in a training: “You are not extra. Stand on your mat like you matter”.

Luckily, self-examination and introspection is not only available to the privileged ones. You can have a private jet and a mansion full of designer clothes and cars, and may not ever reflect inward. Or, you can be in a foster home and get to know yourself, one breath at a time.

This is what Street Yoga aims to do. With dedicated social workers, educators, and yoga teachers, Street Yoga seeks to reach out to create a quiet revolution: to encourage people to know themselves rather than be manipulated by others.

“Each one of us struggles daily to maintain our sense of integrity and personal wisdom. Yoga creates a quiet place for people to experience their own bodies, minds, and feelings. They can evaluate what is useful and true.

They are encouraged to deeply listen to themselves. Their independence, creativity, and sincere questioning are encouraged. Yoga, as we present it, is not an ideology, not a cure-all, not another message that we expect people to buy into.

Yoga is a safe space to look for oneself. Yoga is a place to investigate and to make one’s own assessment and choices. It is an offering and a hope for greater independence, empowerment, and self-awareness.”

So, why am I telling you this?

This September, Lululemon Pacific Place will host free in-store yoga classes every Sunday morning to raise awareness for Street Yoga. I’ll be teaching on Sunday September 4, 2011 at 9:30am.

On Saturday October 1st, we’ll have a Fall into Gratitude benefit event: a dinner and dance party at Waid’s Haitian Restaurant at 1212 E Jefferson St. There’ll be a dance performance, an art show, and of course, dinner, all for only $40. It all starts at 6pm.

I hope you’ll come to the free yoga classes and the dinner, and if the spirit moves you, dance. I hope you’ll consider making a contribution to Street Yoga, or similar organizations like Yoga Behind Bars, YogaG, or YogaHOPE. You can encourage educators and your city school boards to look into programs like Mindful Schools.

Most of all, even if you do none of these things, I hope that you, and I, and all of us have the strength and tenacity to continue to learn to work with our bourgeois and non-bourgeois sufferings, and first world or second or third, or universal problems.

And if you don’t do any yoga or meditation or believe in sending your hard-earned money to any organization, I hope you reserve some room for hope in humanity even after watching the 5, 7, 9, and 11 o’clock morning and evening news.

That indeed there are groups of people taking on the crazy and scary work of working on themselves, and in the process mending whatever destruction the Dark Lord or Red Skull instigates. Isn’t that why we cheer for Harry Potter and Captain America?


Don’t take my words for it. Hear the words from the Street on what yoga means.

Felicity Green Workshop Recap

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When I signed up for Felicity’s workshop, I had heard a few things about her, and I was prepared for them. One of those things is that she is a sort of “my way or the highway” teachers.

She gave us a homework to reflect and write about our relationship to things that are of shreya and things that are of preya nature.  In short, preya are things that are pleasant, but may or may not bring you the results you want. Shreya are things that you avoid, but they’re things that are good for you, like bitter Chinese medicine.

During a discussion, a student in class spoke out that she was in fact angry at Felicity for being adamant about putting her in a certain pose that she feared would cause her injuries. Felicity then replied with something that left me thinking a lot.

“You are like the small young birds, you all are,” said Felicity Green, “My job is to give you the worms that I’ve found. My job is to give you what I’ve learnd and found. Your job,” she said with emphasis, “Is to take it, digest it, take the nutrients that you need, and leave what you don’t need. Your job is to also tell me what doesn’t work for you. But recognize that sometimes you don’t do things out of fear, and it’s my job to help you work through your fear.”

Wow.

The Role of a Teacher, the Role of a Student

This really got me thinking, because as a student, for the longest time, I shunned and shied away from the “mean teachers.” I am in yoga to relax. I didn’t need to stress out because my feet weren’t in the place someone thought they ought to be. I much preferred the classes where I could groove to DJ McYogi dropping some beats while I became one with the Universe.

As my practice grew, I realized that some of tactics used by the “mean teachers” had a purpose. They were trying to keep me in my body. They were keeping me and my attention in the room, and not off to some fantasy land. (Of course, there are teachers who are, well, working on their own stuff too.) As a teacher, I’ve also learned that I can definitely be overprotective, or I can try to hard to win the approval of my students. I’ve learned that if you over-coddle someone, you can also stunt their growth.

What a delicate line it is to walk, to be both a supporting, encouraging teacher, and also to be firm and authoritative. Also, how do you know what’s good for someone? Experience, for sure, and experience is what Felicity has. At 77, she is strong and graceful. She said that Mr. Iyengar, who is still practicing at age 94, gives her the inspiration to continue to practice and teach.

The Role of a Sangha

On the third day of the workshop, I brought my mom, who had been practicing Iyengar yoga for 3 years. She’s turning 61 this year, and she was afraid that she’s getting too old to “be good” at yoga. I think it was good for my mom to see other older practitioners, and of course, Felicity. It’s no big secret that you can be any age and practice yoga, but seeing others like yourself doing it is both encouraging and reassuring that you aren’t alone.

And speaking of alone, at the end of the workshop, Felicity said that there aren’t very many people who are truly dedicated to yoga, studying it and also practicing it in their own lives. So, if you find them, make friends with them, create a community with them. She said it’s nice to have people who understand the work you’re doing.

And so, to you, whomever you are reading this blog, thanks for being a part of this. Thanks for somehow being on this path with me.

And thank you, Felicity.

The System of Yoga

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Looking back from where I was in December 2009 to now, December 2010, I’m pretty astonished at what a difference a year makes. I have friends who seem to have been in school forever, and there’s a common joke that they’re Professional Grad Students. If being in school forever earns you the title Professional Grad Student, then, I’ll study forever and be a Professional Yoga Student.

In that studying path, this year I finished my 500-hour teacher training in May, and towards the end of the program, my teacher Kathryn Payne had us read an article that shook up everything in my system concerning yoga. It was an interview of yoga teacher Dona Holleman by film director Diana Eichner, taken from the book Eyes of Innocence.

Yoga is a Man-Made Structure

The interview starts out with Diana asking Dona: “Why do you think that human beings need to create systems that explain the world?”

What a way to warm up, right? These women were not messing around, they jumped right into the deep end. As our (Teacher Training) class read the interview out loud, paragraph by paragraph, question by question, and answer by answer, I grew increasingly uncomfortable. Dona seemed to be saying that yoga is just another system, a man-made structure.

How could it be? Dona Holleman is a long time yoga teacher. She dedicated her whole life to it. She clearly believes in it, and I believe in her. I believe in Yoga. What does it mean if a senior teacher that I respect is saying this: “Any time you have a word you have a system, whether the system is an orthodox religion or philosophy or yoga. The moment you have the word ‘yoga’, you have again a box within the box.”?

My world literally fell sideway. But, yoga is a not a system. It can’t be! Yoga gets you out of the system. It gets you out of the Matrix, right?

Yoga is again an egg within the totality of the universe that says: if you do this then you have a certain result, like all the religions, all the philosophies. It is a system, which was meant to help people to get out of the system, let us say. Paradoxically enough all religions and philosophies are systems to help people to jump out of the systems into this mystical experience, but it is a paradox that simply does not work because the system, including yoga, has to do with language, with chronological time, with psychological time.

There is no way to go from a linear, psychological and chronological time pathway into a state of mind where there is no time, no future. It is an either/or situation. You can use a system like yoga to become healthy, to have a better quality of life. It can have a lot of nice side effects. But to use yoga as a system of reaching a state where time has no longer any meaning is not possible.”

No way. No. Way. No. Freaking. Way! I protested in my mind. This woman is wrong, wrong, and more wrong. I don’t care if she’s my teacher’s teacher. Yoga lets you reach samadhi. Bliss. And if not bliss, then maybe a sense of timelessness, spacelessness, or satori. I know it! I’ve experienced it!

Needless to say, the whole interview was very challenging to read and absorb. Dona confronts things that I thought were true or sacred. It didn’t sit well with me, but I hung on to the handouts Kathryn gave us. Time came and went, and before long, class was over, and then the training was over.

But Then Again, So is Everything Else

Spring became Summer, and Summer into Fall, and here we are in the Winter. You may have noticed that I haven’t been writing in this blog as frequently as before. My job has been consuming a lot of my time, and I continue to teach yoga and take workshops and study Sanskrit. Something’s gotta give, and writing time has been reduced. I’ve also stopped engaging so much in the cyberspace Yoga world. I stopped reading blogs and comments and tweets so much.

During that time, I became more engaged in my other world of Technology and Software Interaction Design. I read books and blogs, I go to conferences, I debate, I tweet. I go to dinner with people in the field. We laugh, we bitch, we support one another. It’s just like what I’d do in the Yoga world, really, the topic is just different, but the activities are the same.

One day, while reading comments online about the merits of Apple’s mobile operating system, iOS, and that of Google’s, Android, and thinking of the debate in Yoga about this style versus that style, I thought of Dona’s interview.

Oh my god, I thought. Everything *is* a system. My mind was once again, twisted and turned sideway.

Because I oscillate in different social and professional circles, this has turned out to be my testing ground. I dismissed Dona’s idea the first time around, but this time, I’m going to put it to the test. With the idea that it’s all some kind of structure human beings make up to explain and to function in this world, I went about my business.

It is a man-made structure and within that man-made structure we function. This is OK; we need to make a man-made world. We need to have a house, we need to have a car to drive to the office, we need to eat, we also need certain ideas, certain beliefs.

The problem starts when we create this man-made structure and then we are trapped in it. We forget that there is a whole universe beyond the structure, that the structure is only a very thin film superimposed on the vastness out there and that this film is only for practical purposes. We get trapped in it.

I began to take mental notes of where my trappings are; when I get sucked into a discussion about Design methods, for example. I’m very passionate about it, and when I’m not mindful, I end up so rigid, so stuck in my belief. Or, the other day, when I was reading a reading Carol Horton’s post about a new book, Yoga 2.0, I found myself getting worked up over the premise of the book, that we don’t derive any juice from books like the Yoga Sutras. “Ok, that might be so if we only read the English interpretation, but if we read the Sanskrit and really think about it.” I thought in my little mind. I was waging a war with people I had only heard fleeting mentions of in a blog. How absurd is that?

The Way Out

So if I’ve come to accept that everything is a system, everything is a box, is there any hope of going beyond it?

Dona gives me some hope that it’s possible:

The only way to stop this fragmentation is by attention, by awareness, to be aware of the whole process of compartmentalization, of fragmentation. This does not mean that we have to get ride of the fragmentation. We need the man-made world function as people, but the problem begins when we get caught in it to the point that we believe deeply in it.

It is OK to be an American but if you take the word ‘American’and the concept ‘American’ as a real thing, not as a phantom, arbitrary thing, then it becomes a problem. Therefore the crux of the matter is to learn to be in two places at the same time: on the one hand to function and live as an American in America in a man-made world, but on the other hand to also be perfectly aware that is is a phantom situation, not a real one, and so we do not get caught. We use it, we function it in, but we do not get caught.

When I read this, I immediately think of what Shinzen Young said in The Science of Enlightenment, that we need to be amphibians, we need to be able to function on dry land as well as on water. Similarly, Tias Little, during his last visit to Seattle mentioned that what we do is just techniques. At some point, the techniques no longer serve us and we have to be aware to not hang on to the techniques dogmatically.

Dona continued saying that this idea is not new, it’s not revolutionary, it’s that it has only been around on a small scale. “The interesting thing in our time is that we now have the possibility to make this awareness mainstream.”.

Well, now, there’s a message of hope for what at first seemed like a cynical and skeptical idea. I have to admit, that I did get a little stirred by that simple sentence. And, from the woman who said that it’s not possible to use yoga to reach a state where time has no meaning, came this:

Therefore if you can suspend everything for a moment you might get a glimpse of the fact that there is something out there that we will never understand. That in itself is the revolution, it is the mystical experience in itself.

A glimpse, that is all, she followed up. That’s enough to keep me studying and practicing for a while longer. And so, with 2010 coming to a close, I’ll say that reading these thoughts from Dona is the most valuable lesson I received this year.

"We create these fantasylands in order to make our world but we should never lose sight of the fact that it is like going to Disney Land. It is fun but you have to be aware that it is pretense and not take it too seriously."

"We create these fantasylands in order to make our world but we should never lose sight of the fact that it is like going to Disney Land. It is fun but you have to be aware that it is pretense and not take it too seriously."

Revisiting the Definition of Yoga, Part I

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C’est le Devoir

I’m doing an 800-hr correspondence course with Georg and Brenda Feuerstein’s Traditional Yoga Studies. Among the reading materials (like a study binder the size of a small child) is the book The Yoga Tradition: Its History, Literature, Philosophy and Practice.

I’m reading a part where Georg is talking about the etymology and connotations of yoga. Among the ever-popular definitions of “to yoke” and “union”, yoga also means “conjunction of stars,” “grammatical rule,” “endeavor”, “occupation,” “team,” “means,” “aggregate,”, etc.

I was immediately drawn to the meaning “endeavor”. I like that definition a lot, which dictionary.com defines as “to exert oneself to do or effect something; make an effort; strive.” It’s from the Middle English endeveren, from the phrase putten in devoir to make an effort, assume responsibility; and Ancient French se mettre en deveir.

If you’ve ever studied French, you may have dreaded the word devoir, but there’s no other way to learn something like 52 ways to conjugate all those verbs.

I like the concept of doing your homework and striving for something. I mean, I don’t always *like* putting in the effort and doing the homework, or doing the work. But, since I’m on this path, where there’s bound to be traffic jam, uncourteous drivers, detours, potholes, and bad road signage, it’s a good reminder for myself that I am not here to only pick flowers on a red cushy carpet.

I also like that the dictionary defines endeavor as an attempt, an effort to strive for something. It does not say the End, the Destination. In his workshop this past weekend, Tias Little stressed many times over that there is no “there”. You do not simply “achieve” a pose. You might be *in* it, and by in, I mean, the observing, the noticing, the development of sensory skills.

The prefix en means “to cause to be in”. My interpretation is that there is a deliberate intention here. There’s awareness. That’s the se mettre part, the putting of oneself in it. There’s willingness.

C’est l’ Exploration

Last week, I started another Yoga for Newbies series, and in the very first class, a student asked straight up, “What is Yoga?” I was taken aback for 2 seconds, because that is a big question, but I’m glad she brought it up, because it’s that sense of inquiry that makes a yoga class … well, yoga. (Inquiry is really what yoga is about, but that’s another topic).

I gave the classical definition from everyone’s “starter yoga definition”: Patanjali’s, that yoga = citta vrtti nirodha. We were moments from savasana, and I said that one thing yoga helps us is how to deal with the chatter in our mind, the kind that, even if you don’t invite it, shows up anyway.

When I learned this definition for the first time, I thought this was it, that I had cracked the code, that I had discovered what yoga is. But no, time would eventually teach me about other mentions and interpretations of yoga in the Upanishad, and the Mahabharata, and people like Vyasa and Shankara. And I know it doesn’t end there. The exploration has just begun.

And of course, it is not really about who said what. It’s useful, for sure, to know intellectually, to be informed and educated, but the real deal doesn’t happen until I actually check it out for myself, in the “real” world, where traffic jams happen every day. As Tias Little said today: “It’s one thing to fill up notebooks with notes, it’s another to actualize the teaching.” The emphasis here is the verb *act*.

So, guys and girls, there’s another contribution to the question “What is Yoga.” Tune in next week for part II. In the mean time, what the heck is “grammatical rules?” I mean, really?

The Day I Did “Real Yoga”

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I have had a really hard day of traveling, starting off with a mobile boarding pass crashing, some poor planning on my part, some technology failure, long lines at the airport, missing a flight, working with the general anxiety of the consequences of running around worrying about the potential fees I’d have to pay, wondering when I’d be able to come home, all the plans I had made based on a flight depature and arrival time, etc.

Two weeks ago something similar happened. I was having a really difficult morning, driving to a part of the city where I didn’t know there was going to be a huge street fair, where you had to wait and sit in long lines of people and cars for hours just to move two inches. It was not a big deal, in the sense that nothing really tragic happened, no one died, no one’s house burned down. It was just me sitting in my car wanting to be somewhere else, not wanting to be stuck, thinking of the things I coulda shoulda woulda done to not have ended up here.

That day, and today, are the days I do “real yoga.” It’s often said that yoga is about becoming one with the divine. I think that yoga, or at least the test of my progress in yoga, is what happens when things “go wrong”, or in other words, shit hits the fan. Pema Chodron says that we’re always working with our “potential to be bothered”, the times when we don’t feel all that “light and love and the source of truth in your heart.”

All there is, or was, is a sense of tremendous unease, discomfort, a frustration, a nervousness, restlessness, rage, impatience. When I was stuck in the street fair and desperately wanted to be elsewhere (the World Cup final), every time that I had to put my foot on the gas pedal, I wanted to step on the gas pedal twice as hard. This morning, I wanted to scream at all the people in front of me at the airport, “stupid technology”, and my stupid phone. Everybody was stupid and everything sucked.

Well, almost.

For sure, I had those moments and thoughts. I also had moments of catching myself throwing what the authors of Buddha’s Brain call the “second darts.”

“First darts are unpleasant to be sure. But then we add our reactions to them. These reactions are “second darts”–the ones we thorw ourselves. Most of our suffering comes from second darts.”
Rick Hanson with Richard Mendius. The Practical Neuroscience of Happiness, Love & Wisdom. Page 50.

When I became aware of what was happening, I called it out, “Oh yeah, this is fear, this is being frustrated as hell.” To me, this is what my yoga practice is really becoming about. It’s about the ability to go through really uncomfortable situations differently than if I didn’t do yoga at all. It’s not so much about ecstatic bliss and melted heart and unbounded love, the kind of love that soft drink commercials speak of.

Years ago I randomly picked up In Buddha’s Kitchen at a library sale, a book about a woman’s experience cooking in a Buddhist Monastery in Northern California (of course, right? ;) ). I remember a line a lama in the book said, “Anger is when someone shoots a thousand arrows at you, and angry is when you pick them up and stab yourself.”

I know I have gotten super good at stabbing myself, not just with an angry arrow, but with guilt, fear, judgement, impatience, etc., the whole enchilada, really. So yoga, however deep its roots or intricate its philosophy, however “real” or watered-down some of us debate about, really boiled down to something pretty simple for me today: can I stand in a long line at the airport not knowing which flight I could get on, and know that I’m breathing in and breathing out?

Seattle Yoga News – Sanskrit & Yoga Philosophy Study Group with Kathryn Payne

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One thing I started to realize as I got further and further in my yoga studies is the opportunities for me to practice Asana, and even Pranayama, are disproportionate in relation to the opportunities to delve into more esoteric subjects, such as reading the Ancient texts, and writing and pronouncing Sanskrit. (To be fair, not nearly as many people are interested in that. As my boyfriend once asked me, “Why are you learning a dead language? Do your students really care?”)

Any night of the week, I can spin around three times, throw a pebble, and it will surely land on a studio in which to lay my mat down. Finding a group with a learned teacher to discuss ishvara pranidhana and its practical implication in a modern world? My luck won’t be nearly as high. I am not *complaining*. I am *glad* that after a day of sitting in chairs too big and desks too high for me, hunching over a computer screen with my shoulders on top of my ears, I can stretch and bend and twist and invert and restore some alignment in my body.

I *will* say, though, that my physical practice grew leaps and bounds after I got to know the non-physical stuff, the… seemingly “only in your head” intellectual stuff. Like a pot of stew, everything started to complement each other, making the whole thing so much more tasty.

So, I am glad that my teacher Kathryn Payne has decided to hold more classes and workshop on Sanskrit and Yoga Philosophy at Sound Yoga studio in West Seattle. If you are in the Seattle area and want to dig deeper in this kinda stuff , this is a great opportunity. Having studied regularly with Kathryn for the past two years, I will vouch that she is a great source of wisdom. So come! And I’ll see you there!

From the Sound Yoga website:

SANSKRIT & YOGA PHILOSOPHY STUDY GROUP with Kathryn Payne
Dates: Tuesdays, July 13th & August 17 (2 classes)
Time: 6:00 – 8:00 Pm
Fee: $55 for both or $30 for a single two-hour class
Where: Sound Yoga in West Seattle (www.soundyoga.com)

In each class we will study by reading and chanting from source yoga texts. During these two summer sessions we will focus on the Patanjali sutras and mantra – maybe an Upanishad verse. Regardless of the material we will broaden vocabulary and deepen our understanding of the yoga through the power of its language – Sanskrit.

The course will continue to meet approximately once per month on Tuesdays evenings in the Fall. Dates TBA in a late Summer email.

To register, please send me an email at kp @ islandyogacenter.com to let me know you are coming and snail mail fee (check) to Kathryn Payne, 12601 Cunliffe Rd, Vashon, 98070.

Learning verse 4.24 from the Bhagavad Gita with Kathryn Payne

Learning verse 4.24 from the Bhagavad Gita with Kathryn Payne

Santosha, and Resistance and Acceptance

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Talk about weird cosmic timing. I made a short video about Santosha a couple days ago, and today in my inbox, I received the latest blog post from Arnold Ilgner, the author of The Rock Warrior’s Way: Mental Training for Climbers about Resistance and Acceptance.

I absolutely enjoyed reading what Arnold had to say. He said what I wanted to convey in the idea of Santosha, but much more concise. I want to share it with you guys here. I also took the liberty to bold some texts.

We all tend to resist stress. To begin overcoming this tendency, admit that stress is a normal and desirable part of climbing. Accept this not just philosophically but in practice. When you encounter a stressful situation, accept the stress and explore its details. Accepting stress will help you see a situation as it is and avoid the distracting tricks your mind plays to satisfy its desire for comfort.

Acceptance does not equal resignation. It means simply that you avoid wishful thinking and illusions, and focus on gathering useful information about the challenge before you. Saying, “I wish these holds were bigger,” is an expression of resistance. It will not make the holds grow or help you use them. Saying, “I hope there’s a hold up there,” will not create a hold or help you respond if there isn’t one. Saying, “If only I wasn’t so pumped,” will not re-energize your forearms or help you find the least strenuous path through the crux.

Juliet is not a good spotter at all.

Juliet is not a good spotter at all.

Feel All Emotions

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I have been reading A Year of Living Your Yoga: Daily Practices to Shape Your Life by Judith Lasater since December 2007 (thank you, Amazon Orders History). Every time I read the daily entry, I get a new perspective and insight.

Today, February 27, the entry reads:

If you want to embrace the light, you must also embrace the darkness.

LIVING YOUR YOGA: We all long for love, peace, and ease. But in order to fully experience them, we must also be willing to embrace our hatred, anger, and agitation. Today when you feel any strong negative emotions, really feel them. Cutting off negative feelings cuts off our ability to feel all emotions.

I especially enjoy this, because reading it feels like a long relieved exhalation. It’s given me permission to acknowledge emotions that I once thought were “off-limit”.

The Agony and the Ecstasy

One thing about the yoga and meditation world that I think “hooks” people in is the promise of bliss, and not just any kind of bliss, eternal bliss, ecstatic bliss, (uh, not to mention, yoga bliss hips). If you’re not happy, practice it. If you’re currently happy, you could be happier, all the time. My god, even the mat wash oughta be happy.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for happy, love, bliss, and more happy. Nope, nothing against that at all.

What I’ve learned though, that when we talk about abstract concepts like love, compassion, happy, spiritual, bliss, without setting any context, without any preconditions, we can run into all sorts of troubles when we’re not experiencing any of those emotions.

For example, let’s say something has gone very wrong, everything has hit the fan. My uncensored reaction might go something like this, “I’m so pissed! No, I’m fucking pissed! I HATE HATE HATE.” Or, perhaps something milder happened. Maybe I’m slightly offended by something. I might run off, get on my high horse and judge, roll my eyes and get all worked up. You know the drill.

Uh oh, but, I’m a yoga teacher! I’m not supposed to get upset! I’m not supposed to get livid! Quelle horreur! Seeing this, I might tell myself, “Oh, it’s okay. I’m fine. I’m supposed to be happy, and loving. Yes, I love everyone. And we’re all one. Ommm.”

If this is my approach to every crummy moment in life, I’ll end up with a lot of repression, won’t I?

It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia

I’m learning that in the context of yoga, things like love and happiness aren’t what we think they are. They’re not the–”I’m so happy it’s sunny out”, or, “I love this present you gave me”–kind of emotions.

Once, when my boyfriend was waiting to hear back from a prospective employer and getting worried and anxious, I told him to be happy and just enjoy the moment. He looked at me like I was out of my mind. “Be happy? How could I be happy when I may not get the job?”. “Is everybody who has a job happy? And all the unemployed people are swimming in giant seas of unhappiness?” I asked him. “Well, yeah. How could you be happy if you don’t make any money?”

I knew then that we weren’t talking about the same kind of happiness. My teacher Shinzen Young often talks about a kind of happiness that’s independent of any conditions. That’s probably the happiness and bliss that yoga teachers and magazines often talk about. But I’m not convinced that it’s clearly explained enough, especially in mainstream yoga. Or, perhaps the ambiguity is intentional. After all, my guess is “Practice Feeling Completely Rotten” doesn’t sell as many magazine copies.

All Fall Down

I’m finding out that taking the role of the Witness, the Observer (or Ishvara) means that I’ve got to call an Ace an Ace. Whatever emotion that’s passing by, no matter how dark, should be recognized. Oh look, there’s anxiety. There’s jealousy. There’s selfishness. There’s self-righteousness.

And the trick is to do so with a kind of tenderness, a kind of… well, love; love for my humanness. How human of me to be scared, to be hurt, to project. Practicing this way, for me, creates a kind of happiness that’s really sweet, and so hard to describe. “I’m happy that I can see how awful this experience is.” I know, it doesn’t make any friggin’ sense, does it?

Well, I can say more, but Pema Chodron has eloquently and concisely put it in one sentence as she talked about Maitri, the practice of loving-kindness.

“Maitri is not about feeling good, it’s about feeling whatever you feel with a compassionate attitude and with extreme honesty” – Pema Chodron, Awakening Compassion Lectures.

Have you ever felt like you were “supposed” to feel anything different than what you’re currently feeling? How do you work with that?

Perhaps you need a copy of Yoga Journal, kitteh?

Perhaps you need a copy of Yoga Journal, kitteh?

The 2nd Niyama: Santosha

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Last night in class I put my students in a Restorative Yoga pose. I asked that the students let their mind stay in their body. One strategy to do so is to hang on to something you can hear or feel, such as the breath and sensations in the body.

It was especially noisy outside the Taj Yoga studio, with a party involving a couple hundred children under the age of 9 (I may be exaggerating on the number of children.) One strategy was to use the sounds themselves as the anchor to latch the mind on, without evaluating or reacting to them.

This is one way to practice Santosha, the 2nd Niyama. Niyama itself is the 2nd limb of Patanjali’s 8 limbs of yoga, which consists of 5 observances, or attitudes towards our own selves. Santosha is often translated to contentment–being content with what’s happening right here right now.

The word “content” can give the impression that it’s about being indifferent, complacent, or submissive, but in fact it’s about a choice to be poised. It’s the idea of “staying cool under pressure”, to stick around with the present moment, to not think that you’ll only be happy if this and that happened, some day.

This morning I read this article from the Seattle Times about a recent incident in the Winter Olympics in the Women’s Alpine event. It’s a story involving two of the US best skiers and Something That Went Wrong, which created some bad blood and public display of discontentment.

As I read this quote from Lindsey Vonn about her competitor Julia Mancuso, I saw some glimpses of Santosha, which I emphasize here in bold:

“She was at a huge disadvantage to have to run again,” Vonn said. “That absolutely was not what I wanted but it happened, and that happens in ski racing and all you can do is deal with the hand you were dealt.”

“It definitely has hurt me that she said some negative things about me, and all I can do is continue to support her like I always have been and hope that she reciprocates that.”

Here’s a short video I made last night in my kitchen about Santosha.

The Relevance of the Upanishads in Contemporary Yoga

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How is the study of the Upanishads relevant to the contemporary study of yoga, and what role might the teachings have in how you teach yoga?

These are the questions to an essay for my teacher training, and I keep staring at them and the blank space below. Some very childish part of me wants to say, “Well, it’s *very* relevant, and it plays a *big* role in my teachings. The end. Can I have dessert now?”

Needless to say, these are Important Questions to simmer on. (And I know how hard they are to think about, because I keep procrastinating by checking my Twitter and Facebook.)

I will always remember one day in my 200-hour training when my teacher Kathryn Payne prepped us for the study of the ancient texts. She prefaced by pointing out how prevalent yoga has become, it can now be found in high school gymnasiums and health clubs across America. You can now buy Om tanks and Shanti cami and Chaturanga pants from the GAP. I don’t know if they have it yet, but I’m pretty sure some car designer out there is thinking about an in-car yoga mat holder.

“And so,” Kathryn said, “it’s now more important than ever to study the roots of yoga.” (Yes, even beyond the wisdom of ancient Californians.) And so to the roots we go, waay back in the day, even before Patanjali’s time, back to the Upanishads.

How is the study of the Upanishads relevant to the contemporary study of yoga?

Before delving into this question, it’s helpful to define “the contemporary study of yoga”, and furthermore, the study of yoga in North America as I know it (contrary to the popular belief, it’s very hard to see Russia from here).

In the days of the Upanishads, life–in terms of basic needs–was very difficult. The caste system further imposed a sense of eternal condemnation, generation after generation of the same societal status. Thus, the desire was to escape the SSDD cycle, to pack up and fly away from all the harsh conditions of life. They certainly weren’t concerned with getting the perfect yoga butt.

In our time, the emphasis tends to lean more towards the physical benefits of yoga, at least in the early stages of Yoga Exposure ™. Modern comforts have brought modern stress, both on the body and the mind. As a culture shackled to physical perfection, we are hell-bent on getting bendy with the practice of the yoga postures. On the surface, it appears that (for some of us), the final goal is not some kind of liberation, but to look like the Yoga Journal cover models.

And yet, beneath the glitters of fancy stretchy yoga pants and the hottest (pun intended) trendy yoga class, the level of human neurosis hasn’t changed very much over the millennia. A quick look at any magazine newsstand will reveal that we are all still trying to find love, peace, and happiness, concepts borne out of our minds as a product of how we view ourselves and the world. Everyday on my Facebook friends page, at least one person will confess to wanting to be somewhere else, doing something else. The yearning to escape is still ever strong.

Therefore, since it addresses the very desire of all living beings to be free, the Upanishads have tremendous relevance to the contemporary study of yoga.

Now, let’s get more personal and specific.

For me, the study of yoga has evolved to mean the study of myself. This one little bit of simple realization may not seem very earth shattering, but it has been a long time coming.

The Identification with Material Possession

Twelve years ago, I was a scrawny 15 year-old doing yoga for the first time on one of those aerobics foam mat in a local mom-and-pop gym with a wild-haired teacher straight from Woodstock circa 1969. I did yoga, but I knew nothing about the philosophy of yoga, and couldn’t tell the difference between yoga, pilates, and stretching to save my life.

Had I truly understood yoga beyond “sitting with the soles of my feet together on Saturday mornings”, I would have perhaps sailed through smoother waters during the teenage years.

There’s a good chance I would not have identified myself so much with the cool clothes I couldn’t afford and who’s more “cool” to sign my yearbook, had I been as wise as Naciketas telling the God of Death Yama that fair women (or Leonardo di Carprio) cattle, horses, elephants and gold will not cut it.

But, O Death, these endure only till tomorrow.
Furthermore, they exhaust the vigour of all the sense organs.
Even the longest life is short indeed.
Keep your horses, dances and songs for yourself

Katha Upanishad, chapter I verse 26

The Identification with the Capability of the Body

In my early twenties, while continuing to attempt the yoga asanas in Power and Bikram yoga classes, I remained largely ignorant of the rest of the teaching. I was dedicated to doing yoga, and there was a time when I would go to class twice a day. I thought for sure I was progressing as an advanced yogi.

Like many other young women in our society, I had a dysfunctional relationship with my body, expecting it to look a certain way and do certain things. I’m pretty sure there was a part of me that badly wanted to look like the Lululemon ads.

I didn’t know then the story of Indra and Virochana seeking out the secret to “obtain all the worlds and all desires” from Prajapati.

O Indra, this body is mortal, always held by death.
It is the abode of the Self which is immortal and incorporeal.
The embodied self is the victim of pleasure and pain.
So long as one is identified with the body, there is no cessation of pleasure and pain.
But neither pleasure nor pain touches one who is not identified with the body.

Chandogya Upanishad, chapter VII verse 1.

When I started taking on the study of yoga seriously (at Pacific Yoga), I learned to notice my state of mind in the asanas, and then how to observe the unconditioned breath, I began to see what it means to “be the observer”. So *this* is the difference between yoga and aerobics, *this* is the difference between yoga and stretching.

By thinking of yoga as postures or breathing techniques or the practice of a  mantra, the most meaningful definition of yoga is easily lost. And what is said to be yoga is not actually yoga. It becomes the new thing that I’m getting right or not getting right.

There’s nothing inherent in a Sanskrit mantra or a yoga posture that’s liberating. It’s only yoga when the real definition of yoga is having an impact on the experience of the mantra or posture and each of these becomes a new type of experience, a progressively purer experience, freer from the intrusions of identity hoping for a good result, or fearing that it will not be reached. - Vyaas Houston

The Meaning of Om

Let’s say I measure my yoga maturity with my ability to do Hanumanasana, and let’s say I seek out fame and glamor, and accessorize with the latest yoga bling. Even if nothing else from the Upanishads is relevant to me or my yoga practice, there would still be one thing from the Upanishads that makes the study of yoga sweeter, and that is learning the meaning of the mantra Om.

“Om” is ubiquitous. Not only do we have Om tanks, Om tees, and Om incense, in Seattle alone we have a health club named Om, and a brand new dance/yoga studio named Om Culture. In studios across America and the world, somewhere, someone is chanting Om. I myself chanted Om for many years before I learned the origin and significance of Om, and my relationship with it has never been the same. I now make sure that I pause after each Om, to honor the silence from where all sounds come from.

He is the Lord of all.
He is the knower of all.
He is the inner controller.
He is the source of all; for from him all beings originate and in him they finally disappear.

Mandukya Upanishad, chapter I verse 6

The Relevance of the Upanishads to Contemporary Yoga

The study of yoga and Upanishads are complementary. I could sit and read and discuss the Upanishads until the cows come home, but it would be merely an intellectual game, it would not be lived and experienced. My physical practice has been an extremely useful tool to actually put the teaching to the test.

(Some would argue that you could just live the teaching of the Upanishads in “real life”, and I would agree that that’s the ultimate goal. I think of my practice on the mat as similar to musicians practicing the scales, or riding a bicycle with training wheels.)

On the other hand, I would not have come to the understanding of the different states of consciousness, I would not have discovered the meaning of Om on my own, at least not in the time I’ve been given. And that is where the reading and studying of the Upanishads come in to illuminate, to reinforce my practice of Hatha yoga and the rest of Patanjali’s eight limbs of yoga.