Category Archives: Vyaas Houston

A Moment of Living in the Moment

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I am writing this post with fast and furious fingers and sweaty palms, quite possibly from my morning coffee or the bright spring sunshine walloping all of Seattle right now. I am also experiencing a ginormous sense of overwhelm. Not overwhelm in the common sense of being eaten alive by to-do lists, but overwhelm in the sense of the feeling you get while standing in front of a vast blue ocean or a tall green mountain, and witnessing something very big and powerful.

Those of you that know me know that I am into this “sitting thing”. I usually say that “I sit”, and not “I meditate”, because sitting is a more accurate description of what really happens. I sit. And then I think about a hundred and one things that I should be doing, or the things I did and all the things I will do or want to do. It’s elusive, that quiet meditative mind.

And yet. And yet. Something interesting happened to me this morning. Shinzen Young talks about this phenomenon in his lectures The Science of Enlightenment. You do this thing called meditation. You *try* desperately to meditate. You pay good money to go on meditation retreats. When you come back and tell your friends what happen, they wonder if you’ve lost your mind for paying good money to go somewhere to “sit around all day”.

You might start to wonder the same thing. You might blow off sitting once, or twice, or altogether. Or you put it off, thinking, “I’ll do it tomorrow”.

But, by hooks or by crooks, by some miracle, or by some clever tricks, as Shinzen said, “if you can’t be disciplined, be clever.”, you sit, and you sit regularly, day after day, month after month. You start to see glimpses of what it means to live in the moment. You look at the world like a goldfish with that proverbial 3-second memory, or the proverbial curious cat that acts like it’s seeing everything for the first time, sniffing it, exploring it.

And boy, is it grand when it happens. It happens very fast, and it does not last.

But, no matter how fleeting, no matter how swift that moment comes and goes, it blows you away. All of the sudden, you start to understand that big word impermanence. You start to see the joys and the sorrows. I’m not even talking theory and hypotheses here. Those things happen right in front of your eyes, as if on cue. It’s very creepy.

(No, the irony does not escape me to reminisce the moment of “living in the moment”, but it must be captured and recorded somehow :D )

What am I trying to say? If you are engaged in this practice, this yoga thing, this meditation thing, this, dare I say it, getting in touch with your spirit thing. Trust the process. Really. Trust it even when you are weary and full of doubt. And get clever. Trick yourself into practicing when you least feel like it, on the cushion, on the mat, in the grocery line, or in traffic jam.

It will not give you a mountain of gold, it will not instantly make all your troubles go away. It will not automatically rid you of your destructive habits and general life shenanigans. It will not make you taller and turn you into a baller and give you a girl that you could call her.

I honestly can’t even tell you exactly what it will bring to you, because it would be arrogant of me to claim to know what *you* personally experience. What I can arrogantly claim, however, is that life is always coming together and falling apart at the same time. There will be so much joy, and so much sorrow. And there are no words to describe what it’s like, when you are in what they call the Witness state. Something this morning put me in an incredibly clear mind to see both, like a jolt of lighting or a flash of shooting star. To put it plainly, it scared me, it overwhelmed and amazed me, and it humbles me like nothing ever before.

I will say this, admittedly with a lot of caution and hesitation. I am beginning to see what Vyaas Houston talks about in The Certainty of Freedom.

In the meantime, I hope you dance.

Are You Practicing Real Yoga?

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I admit, “Are you practicing real yoga?” is a rather obnoxious question. It’s probably like walking up to a woman, especially someone you don’t know at all, and say, “Are those real?” I’m gonna bet she’d get pretty offended and slap you in the face. (I will never have this problem, so I can only speculate).

My intention is not to incite or invite any such hostility, though I’m aware that it’s bound to come up. My intent here, and elsewhere in this blog, is to give a sort of “report from the field” from my personal exploration of what yoga really means to me. The more entrenched I am in the study and teaching of yoga, the more I see the complexity of intertwining this ancient personal practice with business and profits in our modern world, one in which brand names, image, and marketing matter just as much, if not sometimes more, than the actual substance and content of the practice itself.

I’ll always remember the day when a coworker looked me in the eye and told me, “that’s not real yoga” when I told him that I do Bikram. I was offended. “Yes it is!” I wrinkled my nose and growled back. “It’s not real yoga. It’s not Authentic Indian Yoga.” Well,  ok… I had nothing to say to that, not to a native from where yoga came.

Determined to be right, I found a quote by Mr. B.K.S Iyengar in Light on Life to make my case:

The stress that saturates the brain is decreased through asana and pranayama, so the brain is rested, and there is a release from strain. Similarly, while doing the various types of pranayama the whole body is irrigated with energy. To practice pranayama people must have strength in their muscles and nerves, concentration and persistence, determination and endurance. These are all learned through the practice of asana. The nerves are soothed, the brain is calmed, and the hardness and rigidity of the lungs are loosened. The nerves are helped to remain healthy. you are at once one with yourself, and that is meditation.

See? Since I am working on my English bulldog determination and endurance in a heated room for 90 minutes, I so am, totally, 100 percently, truly doing real yoga! Eat your heart out, coworker. (Humph!)

If I could, I would give a huge hug to that younger version of me, that 25-year-old so devoted to yoga, who would religiously take a bus or drive 45 minutes to a yoga studio, to practice, practice, practice, but didn’t have any yardstick to measure her progress against, and didn’t have anything substantial to say about what makes a yoga practice “real”.

Yoga Will Ruin Your Life

In one workshop, my teacher Judith Lasater said, “Yoga will ruin your life, and thank God.” She then further explained that doing yoga can make us re-evaluate everything about our lives. It can change the way we eat, the way we act, who we hang out with, what we read, what we do on the weekends, etc. In other words, yoga changes everything (I keep hearing that children do this too, but I wouldn’t know).

It’s pretty common to hear someone gush that yoga changed their life, and for good reasons. You can lose weight and feel better and experience all sorts of wonderful benefits that a regular yoga asana practice can offer. I will argue, however, that any regular physical exercise program can bring forth those benefits and changes. Running, swimming, lifting weight, cycling, climbing, etc. they can all change our lives to a certain extent.

Vrtti, Vrtti Everywhere

There is no denying that hatha yoga is enormously beneficial, and I love it just as much as the next yogaite. The changes that yoga brings that I’m talking about here, though, is much, much subtler than the physical changes and the general good feeling that follows a hatha practice. The kind of changes I’m talking about is behavioral, and the yardstick is to ask, “Is my yoga practice making any inroad in how I function in life?”

Vrtti, or vritti, is a Sanskrit word that roughly means the activities in our minds, the stories we tell ourselves to make sense of an experience. What kind of conversation am I having with myself? How much shame, blame, and guilt is going on if I see a friend getting what I want? How much do I lose it when someone cuts me off in traffic? When my dad nags me about where to park the car, how much am I tensing up in my neck and shoulders and rolling my eyes and telling him to stop telling me what to do? How tuned in to my body to know that I’m eating when I’m not hungry?

My teacher Theresa Elliott said once, “I do yoga to take a vacation from myself.” She’s talking about the incessant chit chat in our minds, and how well we can effectively turn it off, which brings me to another question, “How much thinking am I doing in Savasana?”

Stuck in a Moment

I played in a soccer game this past weekend, and my boyfriend and I planned our whole day around the time of the game. We drove across town to find out that the team captain had mixed up the time, and our team had missed our game. It was a huge bummer, but what’s done is done, so we rolled with the ball (yes, please groan) and stayed to do some practice drills.

Luckily, the other teams needed subs, so I also got to play. Soccer relies on tight teamwork and strategy, and playing on a new team threw me off. I was playing defense when an opponent scored. The game carried on, but for a little while, I lived in the past. “If only this, if only that…”, I kept playing the What If game in my head.  As a defender, there’s this huge sense of guilt when the other team scores, and if you’re not blaming yourself, you’re blaming others.

In a moment of clarity, I realized what I was doing. In the lyrics of U2: “You’ve got to get yourself together / You’ve got stuck in a moment / And you can’t get out of it”. So the question is, “Is my yoga practice helping me be here now? Like, *right now*. Is it helping me realize when I’m stuck in memory?”

Will the Real Yoga Please Stand Up?

In the October newsletter of the American Sanskrit Institute, Vyaas Houston wrote something that blows my mind (in a good way):

There’s nothing inherent in a Sanskrit mantra or a yoga posture that’s liberating. It’s only yoga when the real definition of yoga is having an impact on the experience of the mantra or posture and each of these becomes a new type of experience, a progressively purer experience, freer from the intrusions of identity hoping for a good result, or fearing that it will not be reached.

There’s nothing inherently yogic about Tadasana or Mountain Pose or Standing in Line at the Grocery Store or whatever name in whatever language you want to call it. There is, however, a choice of what we do and think. We could get aggravated because the line is too slow, and give someone a stinkeye because they have sixteen items in a 15-or-less line. Or, we could catch ourselves getting completely livid, surrender to the situation, let the shoulders settle, sneak in a couple Kegels, enjoy the fact that we can breathe in and out, and wait for our turn to check out.

The other day while thinking about Graduate school, I noticed that I was holding my breath in my chest, I was getting so anxious thinking about the possibility of getting rejected. After learning to watch the breath and observe what’s happening in the body in yoga class, I realized that I was doing it off the mat. My “yoga habit” has bled into other parts of my life. Judith L. said, “Just because we do yoga doesn’t mean that we don’t get angry. We are just very clear on when we are angry.” Yoga gradually makes us notice certain things that may not have been obvious before. So, another question I’d ask is, “Is my yoga practice helping me become an observer of myself?”

It doesn’t matter what style of yoga it is, to me, a “real” yoga practice should cultivate an acute sense of awareness in our body and mind. It should be something that, with time and practice, progressively keeps us more and more honest with ourselves. In a sense, it could ruin our lives as we know it.

Be here now

Be here now

The Relevance of the Upanishads in Contemporary Yoga

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How is the study of the Upanishads relevant to the contemporary study of yoga, and what role might the teachings have in how you teach yoga?

These are the questions to an essay for my teacher training, and I keep staring at them and the blank space below. Some very childish part of me wants to say, “Well, it’s *very* relevant, and it plays a *big* role in my teachings. The end. Can I have dessert now?”

Needless to say, these are Important Questions to simmer on. (And I know how hard they are to think about, because I keep procrastinating by checking my Twitter and Facebook.)

I will always remember one day in my 200-hour training when my teacher Kathryn Payne prepped us for the study of the ancient texts. She prefaced by pointing out how prevalent yoga has become, it can now be found in high school gymnasiums and health clubs across America. You can now buy Om tanks and Shanti cami and Chaturanga pants from the GAP. I don’t know if they have it yet, but I’m pretty sure some car designer out there is thinking about an in-car yoga mat holder.

“And so,” Kathryn said, “it’s now more important than ever to study the roots of yoga.” (Yes, even beyond the wisdom of ancient Californians.) And so to the roots we go, waay back in the day, even before Patanjali’s time, back to the Upanishads.

How is the study of the Upanishads relevant to the contemporary study of yoga?

Before delving into this question, it’s helpful to define “the contemporary study of yoga”, and furthermore, the study of yoga in North America as I know it (contrary to the popular belief, it’s very hard to see Russia from here).

In the days of the Upanishads, life–in terms of basic needs–was very difficult. The caste system further imposed a sense of eternal condemnation, generation after generation of the same societal status. Thus, the desire was to escape the SSDD cycle, to pack up and fly away from all the harsh conditions of life. They certainly weren’t concerned with getting the perfect yoga butt.

In our time, the emphasis tends to lean more towards the physical benefits of yoga, at least in the early stages of Yoga Exposure ™. Modern comforts have brought modern stress, both on the body and the mind. As a culture shackled to physical perfection, we are hell-bent on getting bendy with the practice of the yoga postures. On the surface, it appears that (for some of us), the final goal is not some kind of liberation, but to look like the Yoga Journal cover models.

And yet, beneath the glitters of fancy stretchy yoga pants and the hottest (pun intended) trendy yoga class, the level of human neurosis hasn’t changed very much over the millennia. A quick look at any magazine newsstand will reveal that we are all still trying to find love, peace, and happiness, concepts borne out of our minds as a product of how we view ourselves and the world. Everyday on my Facebook friends page, at least one person will confess to wanting to be somewhere else, doing something else. The yearning to escape is still ever strong.

Therefore, since it addresses the very desire of all living beings to be free, the Upanishads have tremendous relevance to the contemporary study of yoga.

Now, let’s get more personal and specific.

For me, the study of yoga has evolved to mean the study of myself. This one little bit of simple realization may not seem very earth shattering, but it has been a long time coming.

The Identification with Material Possession

Twelve years ago, I was a scrawny 15 year-old doing yoga for the first time on one of those aerobics foam mat in a local mom-and-pop gym with a wild-haired teacher straight from Woodstock circa 1969. I did yoga, but I knew nothing about the philosophy of yoga, and couldn’t tell the difference between yoga, pilates, and stretching to save my life.

Had I truly understood yoga beyond “sitting with the soles of my feet together on Saturday mornings”, I would have perhaps sailed through smoother waters during the teenage years.

There’s a good chance I would not have identified myself so much with the cool clothes I couldn’t afford and who’s more “cool” to sign my yearbook, had I been as wise as Naciketas telling the God of Death Yama that fair women (or Leonardo di Carprio) cattle, horses, elephants and gold will not cut it.

But, O Death, these endure only till tomorrow.
Furthermore, they exhaust the vigour of all the sense organs.
Even the longest life is short indeed.
Keep your horses, dances and songs for yourself

Katha Upanishad, chapter I verse 26

The Identification with the Capability of the Body

In my early twenties, while continuing to attempt the yoga asanas in Power and Bikram yoga classes, I remained largely ignorant of the rest of the teaching. I was dedicated to doing yoga, and there was a time when I would go to class twice a day. I thought for sure I was progressing as an advanced yogi.

Like many other young women in our society, I had a dysfunctional relationship with my body, expecting it to look a certain way and do certain things. I’m pretty sure there was a part of me that badly wanted to look like the Lululemon ads.

I didn’t know then the story of Indra and Virochana seeking out the secret to “obtain all the worlds and all desires” from Prajapati.

O Indra, this body is mortal, always held by death.
It is the abode of the Self which is immortal and incorporeal.
The embodied self is the victim of pleasure and pain.
So long as one is identified with the body, there is no cessation of pleasure and pain.
But neither pleasure nor pain touches one who is not identified with the body.

Chandogya Upanishad, chapter VII verse 1.

When I started taking on the study of yoga seriously (at Pacific Yoga), I learned to notice my state of mind in the asanas, and then how to observe the unconditioned breath, I began to see what it means to “be the observer”. So *this* is the difference between yoga and aerobics, *this* is the difference between yoga and stretching.

By thinking of yoga as postures or breathing techniques or the practice of a  mantra, the most meaningful definition of yoga is easily lost. And what is said to be yoga is not actually yoga. It becomes the new thing that I’m getting right or not getting right.

There’s nothing inherent in a Sanskrit mantra or a yoga posture that’s liberating. It’s only yoga when the real definition of yoga is having an impact on the experience of the mantra or posture and each of these becomes a new type of experience, a progressively purer experience, freer from the intrusions of identity hoping for a good result, or fearing that it will not be reached. - Vyaas Houston

The Meaning of Om

Let’s say I measure my yoga maturity with my ability to do Hanumanasana, and let’s say I seek out fame and glamor, and accessorize with the latest yoga bling. Even if nothing else from the Upanishads is relevant to me or my yoga practice, there would still be one thing from the Upanishads that makes the study of yoga sweeter, and that is learning the meaning of the mantra Om.

“Om” is ubiquitous. Not only do we have Om tanks, Om tees, and Om incense, in Seattle alone we have a health club named Om, and a brand new dance/yoga studio named Om Culture. In studios across America and the world, somewhere, someone is chanting Om. I myself chanted Om for many years before I learned the origin and significance of Om, and my relationship with it has never been the same. I now make sure that I pause after each Om, to honor the silence from where all sounds come from.

He is the Lord of all.
He is the knower of all.
He is the inner controller.
He is the source of all; for from him all beings originate and in him they finally disappear.

Mandukya Upanishad, chapter I verse 6

The Relevance of the Upanishads to Contemporary Yoga

The study of yoga and Upanishads are complementary. I could sit and read and discuss the Upanishads until the cows come home, but it would be merely an intellectual game, it would not be lived and experienced. My physical practice has been an extremely useful tool to actually put the teaching to the test.

(Some would argue that you could just live the teaching of the Upanishads in “real life”, and I would agree that that’s the ultimate goal. I think of my practice on the mat as similar to musicians practicing the scales, or riding a bicycle with training wheels.)

On the other hand, I would not have come to the understanding of the different states of consciousness, I would not have discovered the meaning of Om on my own, at least not in the time I’ve been given. And that is where the reading and studying of the Upanishads come in to illuminate, to reinforce my practice of Hatha yoga and the rest of Patanjali’s eight limbs of yoga.

Seattle Yoga News – Asana Technique with Kathryn Payne at Island Yoga Center

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If you’ve ever taken a Yoga Teacher Training from Pacific Yoga or a Sanskrit Weekend workshop in Seattle, you know Kathryn Payne. Otherwise, you may not have heard of her because she tends to fly below the radar, enjoying the island life on Vashon Island.

If you don’t live on an island (and yes, let’s forget for a moment that we all live on an island of some sort), the image of an island brings all sorts of images to mind: exotic, tropical, coconut trees, grass skirts, white sand, Johnny Depp (what, you don’t think of The Zaniest Pirate of Them All?)… and far, very, very far away, like, over-yonder far, which is what I imagined Vashon Island to be before I set foot on it.

Well, I’m here to assure you that Vashon Island is definitely not far away at all. It’s a mere 15 minute relaxing ferry ride from the West Side Fauntleroy Ferry Terminal, and it’s a great, great place to be.

Why all this praising of Vashon Island? Have I been hired by the Vashon Island Tourism Board? Actually, no, but I *have* been apprenticing with Kathryn Payne at Island Yoga Center on Vashon, and I just want to tell you about a class that she’ll be offering to refine your Asana techniques. There will be three sessions altogether on Tuesdays from 9:30-10:45AM. $15 each, $36 for the full series.

  • September 19th – Standing Poses
  • October 27th – Basic Backbends
  • December 1st – More Standing Poses

From the flyer:

This three-course series will focus on moving in and out of specific yoga poses. This includes refinement of techniques, understanding the components of the pose and feeling “from the inside” when a posture is accomplished.

In Standing Poses, Part One, we will pay special attention to the movement of the pelvis in triangle and extended side lateral pose. In addition we will look at the spine and neck movement in these postures. Have you wondered about that “pinch” in the lower back or pain in the groin? Or maybe everything feels fine, but you would like to refine the postures that teach us to stand and move with grace, both on the mat and in the world.

Kathryn is really awesome to study yoga with, not just for the Asanas but also Pranayama and philosophy from ancient texts (and I’m not saying this because she’s my Advisor and that she might be reading this… but then again, I’m really not above going for brownie points :D ). She’s got a way with using image and language to get you thinking about your body in really neat and interesting ways. And for context, she studied with Dona Holleman, whose students include the famous John Friend, and Vyaas Houston, the founder of American Sanskrit Institute.

So, if you can make it, I totally recommend taking a trip to Vashon Island and Island Yoga Center.